Testimony

I've been asked to give my testimony on several different occasions but it has always been something I've struggled to put into words.  Often I can get by just calling it my "faith journey" and giving a brief chronology of my spiritual life.  I don't have a defining salvation moment and there have been times where I was confused about what that meant for the status of my salvation.  In order to understand where I'm coming from and how my beliefs are being formed I decided I needed to work out what I consider to be my testimony.

I grew up in what I consider a halfway Christian home.  I was raised in a United Methodist church by my mom who is a believer and my dad who is agnostic.  I've heard the term cradle Christian used to describe circumstances like mine.  There was never a time in my life that I didn't believe in God and the truth of the Bible, or didn't want to serve him.  My faith was true but I was not on fire for God.  I struggled at times to balance the way I should act as a Christian and the way my friends wanted me to act.  Often God was just for Sundays. 

In eighth grade I met a few people on an online forum who really changed my perspective.  They were a couple years older than me, from all over the country, and from very different backgrounds than I was.  Looking back, the only explanation for how I ended up on that forum is God's providence.  These people challenged my faith, taught me the things that had been left out of my church, and showed me what it looked like to be on fire for God.  I found myself learning a lot and desiring to serve God in every aspect of my life. 

My sophomore year I began attending a reformed Baptist church in the evenings with my piano teacher.  The preaching at her church was sound and from the Bible, unlike anything I had ever heard before.  It challenged my faith in unbelievable ways and I found myself seeking to learn more and more.  More than any other part of my life, the last few years in that church have been what caused the most growth. 

In summary I guess I would just say that for as long as I remember, I have loved Jesus and throughout my life I have learned more and more what it means to love Jesus.

I think the problem with my testimony is my pride.  I am too proud to consider that there was a time in my life when  I was not saved.  It somehow seems to be spiritually superior to say that I've been saved since before I can remember.  But am I really being honest with myself?  Probably not.  It may be true that throughout my whole life I have believed in a God.  However, I have gradually come to realize that believing in a God is not the same as believing that Jesus Christ died for my sins.  For my pride, for my self-obsession, for my laziness.  Because he died, I am free.  And my transformed life needs to show that I am no longer a slave to sin but am a new creation in Christ.

So I'm still unsure what to say when asked my testimony.  In my life there was no transforming salvation moment that happened on a youth retreat as a teenager or in a near death experience after pursuing my sin.  But I have been set free from sin by God's love.  And so the freedom seen in my life today is my testimony.